Sunday, March 03, 2013

Army of Lovers: you wanted drama, you got it

I think you'll all agree that it hasn't been a vintage Melodifestivalen season.  And it's equally been slim pickings for the Swedish tabloids this year: there's no Bjorn Ranelid to rattle their cages, and the whole thing's been low-key by the usual standards.

So they must have rubbed their hands with glee a couple of days ago as it was all change in the Army of Lovers camp, after last Saturday's "mime-gate" scandal.  Out goes Camilla "La Camilla" Henemark, sacked football manager-style after losing that all-important game.  In comes previous member Dominika "La Dominika" Peczynski.  But being Army of Lovers, you wouldn't expect a straightforward transition: oh no.  Instead, an "open letter" from Alexander Bard....

Dear loyal pop Soldiers, this is an open letter from Army Of Lovers members to Queen La Camilla ... Hurrah Hurrah Apocalypse again and again !

Army Of Lovers declare Sainthood for Santa Camilla - and welcome La Dominika to center stage !

Our Dearest Beloved Sister Camilla, Our Hundreds of Thousands of Fabulous Loyal Fans, and The Chosen Few of the Rest of You Out There in This Cold Cold World who dare to care

Please accept our sincerest and most heartfelt gratitude for the hilarious months of joy and happiness we have shared with You, Our Beloved Sister, during studio recordings, rehearsals, therapy sessions, interviews, and performances in connection to The Original Army Of Lovers’ participation at Melodifestivalen 2013. You are dearest to our hearts, You are forever Our Beloved Sister, You are the undisputed People’s Queen of Army Of Lovers. For all this, we are to You forever grateful.

Your performance at Melodifestivalen in Malmö - from Your fabulous entrance to Your royally ignorant attitude towards even hitting the lipsynching right - make Yours quite possibly the ultimate Army Of Lovers performance ever. Who cares about rehearsing properly in advance, or hitting the right notes, when the world really revolves around the Art of Entries and Exits? And since You practice this Art with the ultimate superiority, how could Your performance possibly be improved upon in any way whatsoever? It was flawless. You are flawless.

Our Beloved Sister, what was Your Melodifestivalen performance if not the quintessential celebration of the Talented Untalented, the Victory of Charisma over Substance, the Glamorous Amateur set against the Boring Professional, the Good Bad Taste against the Bad Good Taste, the Ethic of Anybody with an Attitude is born to be a Star? You personify all these qualities better than anybody else on this planet. You are the proudest Ambassador of the Heritage of Milli Vanilli, and for this we herald You as Our Eternal Queen of Punk!

However, the show must go on! There are wars to battle and win. Army Of Lovers have a huge task ahead of them, fighting hatred and intolerance everywhere until   everybody on the planet can have sex with everybody else all of the time. In this year of The Reformation of Army Of Lovers - in all its various incarnations - it is time to take the next step. Just as generously as Dominika stepped aside to let You, La Camilla, and the boys reunite as The Original Army Of Lovers for Melodifestivalen, we now thank You for stepping aside to let Dominika take center stage in the next reincarnation of Army Of Lovers in this Golden Year of 2013.

We therefore today proudly declare Dominika to be La Dominika, and in return we award You the Ascension from La Camilla to Santa Camilla, The Enlightened Global Consciousness of Femme Fatale Hysteria, Our Living Saint! We will always kneel before Your Altar on every stage we enter. You will always be with us in our hearts. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, for Everything!

The Committee for The Continuation of The Reformation of Army Of Lovers

Alexander Bard
Jean-Pierre Barda
Dominika Peczynski
Michaela Dornonville de la Cour
Camilla Thulin

What a P45 eh!!  It wasn't long before the rumours started: that Bard didn't want La Camilla back in the group but had been pressured by SVT to reunite the original line-up.  And given Camilla's high profile over the last couple of years, (sparked by a book which alleged that she had a relationship with the King of Sweden) then extra publicity would have been guaranteed for the band's comeback.  And all publicity is good publicity, isn't that right Mr Björkman??

But it's all gone horribly wrong and after that dire "performance" at Melodifestivalen of a not very good song, it makes you wonder if the comeback was worth all the bother.

If you want to relive the band's glory days then a compilation album, the suitably titled "Big Battle of Egos" will be released on 27th March featuring all their best known tracks and a couple of new ones including the band's next single "Signed On My Tattoo". 

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