Today the BBC announced the contenders who will compete for the increasingly dodgy honour of representing Royaume-Uni at the Eurovision Song Contest in May. The contest, formerly known as "Making Your Mind Up" is now retitled "Eurovision - Your Decision" which is a bit of an incorrect description as there will be three head-to-head duels with a jury - not the public - deciding who will go through to the final sing-off.
The three categories are:
1. The solo/soul singers: Michelle Gayle versus Andy Abraham. Now I know she's had hit singles and all that, but she will still always be remembered as her off Eastenders and has been out of the limelight long enough to merit the 'hasbeen' tag. Her song is called "Woo" (!) meanwhile Andy was the singing binman from X Factor, the finalist who wasn't Shayne Ward or Journey South. His song's called "Even If" and both acts here are promising uptempo soul-pop.
2. The girl bands: LoveShy versus The Revelations. LoveShy are the two remaining members of Clea, the band formed out of all the "Popstars: The Rivals" girls who weren't Javine or Girls Aloud. Their song is "Mr Gorgeous" the title sounds just camp and cheesy enough to appeal to the voting demographic.....whilst I know nothing about The Revelations, a trio with a song called "It's You". One of them is Swedish, which might be reason enough to love. Or maybe not.
3. The Joseph-reject versus the Maria-reject: You'll have guessed by now that it's a bit of a casting-show fest this year. Rob "the builder" McVeigh will sing "I Owe It All To You" described as a power ballad. Oh dear.....meanwhile Transylvanian-Maria, Simona Armstrong, Romania's most famous musical export to the UK since the Cheeky Girls, will sing "Changes". Shamelessly obvious attempt to get the Romanian vote.
I haven't heard any of these songs and will probably try to avoid them until the 1st of March, when one of Europe's most embarrassing national finals will take place. Who knows? They might surprise us. But then again, probably not.