Monday, December 27, 2010

2010: the hate chart

A couple of weeks ago I finished counting down my most-loved tracks of 2010. But of course where there is love, there is also it’s my great pleasure to present to you the EuropeCrazy Hate Chart of 2010. The only criteria for this chart is that every time one of these songs comes on the radio or on a TV music channel, it’s switch-off time.

Given the amount of rubbish around this year, I could have done a top 100, but I've managed to cut it down to a top 20 :)

1. Whip My Hair - Willow Smith: a very late addition to my chart, but as soon as I heard this I knew it would be a hate chart-topper. As the old saying goes, children should be seen and not heard.
2. Replay - Iyaz: worst example of autotuned chipmunk rubbish. And Sean Kingston had something to do with’s like a guarantee of quality in reverse.
3. Like A G6 - Far East Movement: I like dance music, and I’d like more of it in the charts please. As long as it doesn’t sound like this.
4. The Club is Alive - JLS: I had high hopes for them after X Factor, however this might well be their career low point, boasting some of the worst lyrics of the year. And that’s saying something!
5. Ridin’ Solo - Jason Derulo: OK I’ll admit that "What If" was a nice record, but apart from that he was one of the year’s major irritants. And this was one of the most irritating of all.
6. Famous - Scouting for Girls: They probably thought it was clever, but this contains some of the worst lyrics of the year. In a year when bands were practically non-existent, it continues to be a great mystery why this so-called ‘band’ are so popular.
7. Anything by N-Dubz: "I Need You" excepted, this act has no redeeming features whatsoever. If this is the sound of young Britain, then I’m glad I’m old.
8. Anything by the Glee cast: Don’t get me wrong, I like the programme. It’s original, smart and funny, and I enjoy it a lot...until they start singing their autotuned, sanitised cover versions. Which will no doubt overrun the chart again when season 2 starts.
9. Baby - Justin Bieber: see no.1 for explanation. I can’t understand his popularity at all, but then I’m probably not 9 years old. He’s like the new Jimmy Osmond - who was in my hate chart when I was 9 years old!!
10. You’ve Got The Love - Florence and the Machine: Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air and throwing the radio out of the window whenever any of her 17 versions of this comes on. But that would be a waste of a good radio :)
11. Promise This - Cheryl Cole: In these bland times, Ms Cole proves that you can go a long long way with no talent whatsoever. She can take her alouette-ette-ette and shove it where the sun don’t shine.
12. Heroes - X Factor Finalists: OK it’s for charity n’all, but even that doesn’t excuse the latest in a long line of Cowellised cover versions with all the life sucked out of them.
13. Pass Out - Tinie Tempah: rubbishy overrated electro-rap. See no.7 for further explanation. Please go away, and take Tinchy Stryder, Devlin, Chipmunk, Skepta and Roll Deep with you.
14. Anything ‘featuring’ or ‘featuring Pitbull’ or ‘featuring Flo Rida’: avoid. That accounts for about 75% of the ‘songs’ released in 2010 then.
15. Shout - Dizzee Rascal & James Corden: now I know Dizzee’s done some good stuff, but this was career suicide, teaming up with Britain’s unfunniest man. No wonder England didn’t do well at the World Cup...."World In Motion" it definitely ain’t.
16. The Time (Dirty Bit) - Black Eyed Peas: to think there once was a time when the BEP were good, and they didn’t have to resort to rubbishy Dirty Dancing cover versions like this.
17. Natteravn - Rasmus Seebach: I can’t understand the popularity of this big summer hit, which I found very irritating.
18. Empire State of Mind - Alicia Keys: both versions dominated every radio playlist for the first six months of this year so I never want to hear it again.
19. Rude Boy - Rihanna: the inclusion of this in my chart was probably grounds for divorce, as she is one of faithful travelling companion’s faves, however a break-up was averted thanks to the inclusion of....
20. Billionaire - Travie McCoy feat Bruno Mars: all together now, sing along...."I wanna be a billionaire, so frickin’ bad!"

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