Eurovision Song Contest 2014: Semi-Final 2, Thursday 8th May 2014

Time for the second semi-final then.  Things are slightly different tonight from Tuesday.  My Eurovision experience will be fuelled by Pinot Noir rather than Irn Bru, as I've got a day off work tomorrow.  (Last year I also took Eurovision Eve off work as I was packing for my holiday, but I had so much fun catching up with all the blogs, podcasts and radio shows that I thought it would be a good idea to do the same this year).  But I digress.  Once again mum and I are watching BBC Three's coverage, and I've got the official coverage going on the laptop just to see what the BBC's replacing with its inane 'inserts'.  The show begins with a 'previously on Eurovision' X Factor-style recap. Hosts Scott Mills and Laura Whitmore read out the names of the qualifying countries from Tuesday, which kind of reminds me of the opening of Eurovision 2000 when all the country names were read out.  But there the similarity ends.

The show opens with a dance number entitled "Building The Stage".  Is this some act from Denmark's Got Talent?  There's a Lady Gaga lookalike and a guy playing the fiddle.  Get out the way mate - there is only one violinist worth mentioning tonight, and he will be appearing later in the show :))

Mum: Do you get money for winning this contest?
Laura: Nope, don't think so.  Just a nice trophy and you get to be a lifetime legend in Eurovision circles.

Once again the three hosts Pilou, Lise and Nikolaj take the stage, but I'm not to hear a word they say all night.  (Not only are the BBC Three presenters yakking on about "yes you can vote in this semi-final tonight" but don't even think about voting by text/mobile app, yada yada yada....but my mum also talks over almost everything tonight, so I can't comment on the commentary or hosts as I don't hear a thing).  I can't wait to buy the official commentary-free DVD :))

Let's do some songs!!

MALTA: "Coming Home" - Firelight.

This is one of my favourite songs this year.  And oh my - that Richard has got better looking over the last couple of months, hasn't he! The band perform the song well, although it lacks that 'spark' which they are hopefully saving for the final.  I have no doubt this is qualifying though. They are so likeable you just want them to succeed.

M: This is pleasant. 
L: I hope it makes the final.

ISRAEL: "Same Heart" - Mei Finegold.

This has been a massive fave in fan circles - this year's 'fanw**k' if you like - but I have never understood the love for it.  It's also in the draw of death, as Aarzemnieki would tell you.  It doesn't seem to be a good year for the 'fierce females' - Cristina from Moldova's out, and Emma Marrone hasn't impressed in her rehearsals.  Mei is fierce, she struts, and at one point it sounds as if she's singing "I touch your d**k". 

L: This is only a borderline qualifier for me as it's a tough night.
M:  I don't like this at all.  Too much shouting.  And these dazzling lights are annoying me. 

*Edit*: on the night I didn't get to see/hear the full song/performance but rewatching, it has definitely gone up in my estimations.  But which other qualifier would it have replaced?

NORWAY: "Silent Storm" - Carl Espen.

I tell mum this is one of my biggest favourites this year.  She immediately remembers seeing him before.

L: You saw him in the Norwegian final.  And you liked this song then.
M: He has a really good voice. Very distinctive.  I like this.

It's a nervous beginning but that soon passes, and the cheers ring out from the crowd. Carl has been styled away from heavy-metal-club-bouncer to a more appealing, smarter suit jacket.  This song is exquisite.  I'm just hoping that its chances are not harmed by the early draw.

GEORGIA: "Three Minutes to Earth" - The Shin and Mariko.
Postcard: Douze points from me for their postcard, as they make the Georgian flag out of glasses of red wine.

Which, coincidentally is around the time that the bottle of Pinot Noir is opened, therefore I declare it my favourite postcard so far.  I thought Three Minutes to Earth was going to be my scheduled toilet break, but I stick around for what turns out to be one of the most entertaining parts of the evening.  There's a lot of yodelling.  There's a guy with a parachute. Sorry fans of 70s prog, but there's no place in the modern day Eurovision Song Contest for this type of thing.

POLAND: "My Slowianie - We Are Slavic" - Donatan and Cleo.

On to what is arguably the most risque of this year's performances.  There's no sign of Donatan, who's given up his spot to allow an extra dancer on stage.  Cleo is accompanied by dancers shaking what their mama gave them, and, um, 'decorative' ladies indulging in washing and churning butter.  I'm not sure if viewers will get the song's message (apparently there is one) and will just go straight for the 'saucy' angle.  Faithful travelling companion hasn't seen this yet, but he is going to like this.

M: This takes me back to the old Eurovision days.
L: I can't remember anything like this back then!
M: No, I mean the costumes and the silly stuff.
L: Diaspora vote will absolutely get this one to the final. 

There's a break now, which means another BBC3 VT, this time of Molly's week.  Following which, it is Conchita time.

AUSTRIA: "Rise Like A Phoenix" - Conchita Wurst.

This is very cleverly staged, as the camera slowly fades into the big reveal.  Conchita is wearing a fabulous gold dress.  She looks great and her vocal performance on this is phenomenal.  Although my mum is initially a bit confused about Conchita's identity. 

M: Is that a man or a woman or what?
L: It's a man, playing a female character, with the added bonus of a beard.
M: Tell you something, he/she's got a great voice.
L: I think that's what people forget - they're too busy focusing on 'the look' but she's got the voice to match.

There are massive cheers from the audience all through the song.  This is a potential winner, although there remains massive question marks over whether certain countries/juries will accept Conchita for who she is. 

LITHUANIA: "Attention" - Vilija.

The postcard, a Lithuanian flag made out of brollies, is better than the song. It's all very 'contemporary' and dubsteppy, and Vilija is dressed in a futuristic tutu.

I just realise tonight that the biggest problem with this song, apart from the tune (or lack of) is that for some reason, it makes me think of Jessie J.  Which in my world is not a good thing.  As with neighbouring Estonia, the Lithuanian entry boasts its featured backing dancer, shaking what his mama gave him.

M: This 'song' feels as if it's been on for about three months.  And what is the point of that guy dancing?  This is rubbish.  There's a bit which reminds me of something...
L: "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas?
M: That's it!
L: They've qualified a lot over the past few years, but I wouldn't want this to qualify at the expense of a more deserving song.  This is completely missing any redeeming factors.

FINLAND: "Something Better" - Softengine.

Their postcard may be made of ice, but their performance sets the contest on fire!  There's been a lot of talk during the last couple of weeks about this young band's lack of experience and how this might be exposed when they take to the stage.  That didn't happen.  They cracked it!!  Something Better is a well-staged uptempo pop/rock number.

M: Put my tick next to their name. I really like this. There are not enough bands in this anymore, too many solo singers.
L: This is a triumph for them.  I'm really impressed and hope they qualify.  Very clever lighting and staging here too.  This is certainly 'something better' than I expected.

IRELAND: "Heartbeat" - Can-Linn featuring Kasey Smith.

This year's Irish Eurosong final put the "ire" into Ireland as it is best remembered for the FIIIIIIIGHT! involving Linda Martin.  We all remember that more than this forgettable nothing of a song.  Now Kasey is a pretty girl but they've dressed her as a ridiculous warrior princess.  The backing singers are woeful, and look!  There's some Irish dancing going on.

M: I hope those guys have something on underneath those kilts.
L: The fact that we are spending most of this song talking about that, says everything about this song. This is going home. 

BELARUS: "Cheesecake" - Teo.

What was once a slice of Robin Thicke-style sleazecake is now reinvented as a more appealing boyband-style number.

M: Who's Robin Thicke?
L:  Oh never mind.
M: This is entertaining.  I quite like this.  That little dance is funny. 
L: I really want this to make the final, it's grown on me so much.  I sent him a good luck message on Twitter and he replied to me, which was lovely, so I want this to do well. 

FYR MACEDONIA: "To The Sky" - Tijana.

I forgot to mention in my semi-final 1 review that Tijana was interviewed by Scott Mills and Dr Eurovision on BBC3 on Tuesday night and she was an absolute scream, totally bonkers.  Sadly though, for someone with such a great personality, the staging of this song is a bit too sedate - the trouser suit does her no favours, and where's her trademark glasses? 

L: They could have done without the dancer in the hoodie.  Pulls the song right down.
M: I don't like this at all.
L: I disagree - I quite like this song now, and I like her, but they haven't given the staging and presentation the 'oomph' which it needs to make the final.
M: Nothing has really stood out for me tonight.
L: I disagree (again!) - this is the best of the two semi-finals and you will love what is coming next!!

 SWITZERLAND: "Hunter of Stars" - Sebalter.

The moment I've been waiting for.  I tell mum that for the next three minutes there will be no talking.  There will only be drooling.  Ohhhhh yessssssss.

Unfortunately something comes up and mum misses Sebalter, which is really bad timing :(

I love the staging of this.  There is even a pyro curtain.  He is hyperactive and beautiful.  Who cares if some of the lyrics still sound like gibberish, because I really like this song.  Sebalter is an incredibly charismatic performer who immediately makes a connection with the viewers.  "I fear your judgement" he sings.  Hopefully there will be no fear and that judgement will be a place in the final. 

He does that cute little run down the catwalk, he plays the violin solo, he bangs the drum, and the whole thing is so infectious that it's impossible not to love it.

Time for another break.  Twin Twin are being interviewed on BBC Three, and they're good fun.  Unfortunately I still find Laura Whitmore very irritating though. 

GREECE: "Rise Up" - Freaky Fortune featuring Riskykidd.

Whilst we're in the hotties section of the show, here are some more.  There are lots of cheers for this and it's one of my favourites.

M: The problem I have with this is that it's too repetitive.  Too much rising up going on. It sounds about 4 years out of date.
L: I'd disagree.  I think it's very 'current' and would fit right into the top 40.
M: No, I didn't really mean to say it was outdated, what I actually meant is that this type of music's been around for a while, so people are familiar with it and more likely to vote.  The recognition factor. 

SLOVENIA: "Round and Round" - Tinkara Kovac.

A.K.A. The one which is very reminiscent of Cheryl Cole's "Parachute".  Only with added flautism.

M: Oh no, not a flute :(((  And the lighting is a bit overdone again.  I don't like all these dazzling lights this year - was it always like this?
L: Over the last few years, yes.
M: This song is not good enough to make the final. 
L: It's OK, but that's all.  I always want Slovenia to send something great for a change, as they've always been underwhelming.

ROMANIA: "Miracle" - Paula Seling and Ovi.

I decide to take a back seat here and ask mum to rate the song, as I'd be grateful for an independent ear to try and make sense of this.  

M: Firstly, I don't like the stage set.  It's not the worst song I've heard, but it doesn't really go anywhere.  And that wee guy annoys me.
L: Actually I like Ovi, but I don't like this song.

I explain to mum that P and O did ESC 4 years ago with a much, much better song.  However, everything about this is just wrong for me - the stupid hologram, the round piano, the hug, the biiiiiiiig note...this is qualifying but would not be a worthy winner. 

After hearing all the songs, here's what I predicted to make the final:

Malta
Norway
Austria
Finland
Belarus
Switzerland
Greece
Romania
Poland
Lithuania (purely based on previous years)

Following another recap, the show takes a bizarre turn by saluting Australia!  Yes, the land down under has a renowned Eurovision fandom.  So they'd do anything to get into Eurovision.  Like move the country to Europe.  What follows is a cheerful, cheesy little song and dance number which includes every national stereotype you can think of about Australia. 

M: I like this little Australian song.
L: Just a pity that I can't make out the words of what they're singing.

This leads into a performance by Jessica Mauboy, one of Australia's most famous singers.  This has obviously been intended as a nice launch for her international career, however her vocal performance of "Sea of Flags", specially written for the contest, is a bit hit and miss to say the least.  No offence whatsoever to Australia, but I'd have preferred a Danish singer for the interval act, the way SVT showcased Darin and Agnes last year.  Rasmus Seebach would have been perfect, given his Eurovision ancestry.  Oh well :(

My mum, who is a migraine sufferer, is struggling with all the screens and the flashing images.  Guess that's just the modern-day Eurovision for ya.  Cue intensive discussion about Eurovision stage sets of old. Which were static, memorable, and unchallenging to migraine sufferers. 

Time for another recap.

M: Well, Georgia won't be holding it next year, that's for sure.
L: Poland = boobs.  That's all that people will remember - the boobs. 
L: Austria = the great lost Bond theme.
M: He/she is certainly different.  We won't see his like again.
M: I like the cheesecake guy.  And he replied to you on that Twitter, which is good manners. 
L: I'd substitute "FYROM" as the politically correct people call it, for Poland, or Lithuania, if either of them was to qualify.

So it's time for another interval act and it all kicks off with Megan from Ireland, and then before you know it we have a whole continent of dancers on stage.  It's all a bit "Europe's Got Talent" and yet again it's a bit of a missed opportunity.  It's very nice to see all ages dancing together on stage, culminating in the 86 year old dancer from DK.  Don't get me wrong, I like watching dancing, but for a song contest there's been a bit too much dancing tonight. 

Europe - stop voting now!!  Cue yet another pointless VT from BBC Three, this time with Scott and Laura talking about 'Eurovision Club'.  Oh goody, I thought they were maybe going to show us Euroclub.  But no.  Meanwhile Lise's in the Green Room, then it's another instalment of the Eurovision Book of Records,  which yet again we don't get to see.  We get Scott Mills interviewing Dr Eurovision and Katrina from Aarzemnieki. 

Lise's hanging out with Jon Ola Sand.  Do we have ett resultat?

Nope.  Or as it was once famously said: "I don't have it!"  The results announcement is delayed, we get a 3rd recap of the songs, and my mum goes into fully-fledged conspiracy theory mode.

M: Do you mean.....there is.....cheating going on????
L: Something is afoot.
M: I smell a rat.
L: I just hope all our favourites qualify.
M: Did I say that guy with the round piano annoys me?
L: Well I usually like Ovi but the piano, and the song, annoys me this year.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, the names are revealed, as usual in random order.

Switzerland (I am hyperventilating!!!!!)
Slovenia
Poland
Romania
Norway
Greece
Malta
Belarus
Finland
and finally....
Austria! 

Again, I'm very happy with my predictions: only one wrong tonight, and I'm glad as Lithuania didn't deserve to go through.  I can live with Slovenia in the final, and I am absolutely buzzing with delight that Switzerland and Norway have made it.  At the moment, I'd say it was the most wide open final in years, with no obvious favourite.  The winner could come from any one of four or five songs, and I wouldn't dare predict this result!!

Eurovision Song Contest 2014: Semi-Final 1,Tuesday 6th May 2014

Finally - or should that be semi-finally (!) it's here. 

Unfortunately the opening moments of the show are marred by Mum taking about something completely non-ESC-related!

The show starts with a little recap from last year, to remind us why the contest has ended up in Denmark's magical capital city.  Emmelie eventually turned into a Lego figure, which was a nice touch.  I'm not so sure about the 'Join Us' singing selfie choir though.  Anyway this leads to Emmelie and a choir on stage singing "Only Teardrops".  Shock horror, she is not in beige!!  She must have read my previous blog post :)

Time for the presenters.  After Petra Mede being the only host last year, DR have taken the opposite approach and given us three, including good ol' Kasper Juul from Borgen, or Pilou Asbaek to give him his real name.  He is joined by Nikolaj Koppel and Lise Rønne, who is in a white dress with what looks like a big white shower scrunchie on her shoulder.  Good evening Europe!!

It's not long until I'm swearing at the telly.  BBC3 is notorious for its bog-standard coverage of the semi-finals, although I have to acknowledge that last year, Ana Matronic was actually a pretty good co-commentator with Scott Mills.  This year they've gone for a stereotypical telly dolly bird named Laura Whitmore, whose work I'm not familiar with.  Turns out I didn't miss much.  Would it be too much to ask for knowledgeable commentators? Anyway they are talking over the presenters.  Should there not be some kind of EBU ruling where ESC commentators should be forced to shut up when the presenters are talking? 

A few words about this year's postcards, in which the artists have been asked to create an inventive interpretation of their country's national flag.  As it turned out, I like this year's postcards: just as last year, they're putting the focus back on the artist rather than it just being an excuse for a tourism commercial.

Where do we go now? To the songs, to the songs...

ARMENIA: "Not Alone" - Aram MP3

In the postcard, Aram makes a brooch in the colours of the Armenian flag.  He then wears the brooch during his performance.

Mum is not down with all this digital music carry-on.  "What is an MP3?" I decline to answer as I want to focus on how the pre-contest favourite does.  As it turns out, not too badly - he sings well, the staging is good and then it all goes BOOM! with lots of flashing and pyros heralding the dubsteppy bit. 

M: It'll take more than fingerless gloves for this to win.  Those lights are far too dazzling and are giving me a migraine. 

L: He has a good voice but this song is far too repetitive. 

LATVIA: "Cake To Bake" - Aarzemnieki

The postcard is a Latvian flag made of cake.  Appropriately! Cep cep, cep cep kuku.

M: This is quite a merry wee song.

L: I really like this song and I love that line about him learning Latvian.

M (sings): "I've got a cake to bake..." I would like this to win.

There is a true moment of greatness in this performance when Raitis - the cute, cheeky-faced one with the crazy hair - says "piece of cake"!  Even if this bombs with the juries and televoters, there will always be that triumphant moment. 

ESTONIA: "Amazing" - Tanja

M: What a stupid costume. She's not a bad singer though, the way she can sing and dance at the same time.

L: The dancing really, really annoys me.

M: I think this song's s****.

L: Are you pulling my leg??? (oh ha ha) - this had better not steal a qualifying spot from a better song.

SWEDEN: "Undo" - Sanna Nielsen

It's a case of 'undo my waistband' as I reach for the nibbles and hurtle towards beached-whale proportions.  (Unlike Sanna of course, who wears that black lace dress well).

L: She leaves me cold.  As does this song. Although I like her dress.

M: All these songs are leaving me cold.

L: Now that's not fair.  I may not be a fan of this song but I have to say that the standard of the songs is pretty high this year.

ICELAND: "No Prejudice" - Pollapönk

  

L: P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pollapönk!

M: What kind of f****** song is this?

I am rather annoyed at this point that my mum is insulting the Pönk, but the song does grow on her, and by the end of it she's nodding along and tapping her feet.  She takes it all back, much to my relief.

Maybe it's the colourful presentation, or the uptempo song, but the full package has really impressed me even more than I thought it would.  It may just have done enough to qualify.

Break time now, and while the official feed's running the Eurovision Book of Records ("highest hair" - now guess who?  Certain Irish twins by any chance?) we are subjected to one of those notorious BBC3 VTs, this time a tour of Copenhagen, which I get quite excited about seeing as it is going to be our holiday destination, 9 days after the grand final. 

Then the presenters make a comment about "nice to see proud men getting along", which was a little bit of a clumsy attempt to emulate Petra Mede's joke from last year.

ALBANIA: "One Night's Anger" - Hersi Matmuja

Hersi takes the flag challenge too far as she gets the Albanian flag tattooed on her back.  This song has undergone a revamp since its FiK win but it's still too complex for the viewers/voters to get it on first listen.

M: This is not much of a song.

L: It's not a song which impresses on first listen and needed a few listens before I could remember it.  Which isn't an ideal situation when you've only got one chance in the semi-final. 

M: Guitar solo!

L: This is not qualifying.

RUSSIA: "Shine" - The Tolmachevy Sisters

Get your booing on now for the musical foot soldiers of Vladimir Putin.  Or alternatively, two cute twins on a seesaw. 

M: Why's their hair tied together?  Is it so they don't get lost?  This is familiar from somewhere. 

L: I showed you a rehearsal clip of this.

M: Oh yes, I remember it now. 

For me, their performance is just a little too forceful and sterile.  So bring on the hot Portuguese backing singer with what looks like a giant Pringle.  Hot Portuguese guy is quickly engulfed by the giant Pringle so that was that.

AZERBAIJAN: "Start a Fire" - Dilara Kazimova

EuropeCrazy HQ is now on gimmick-watch: there's a trapeze artist on stage. Presumably to distract from this non-song.

M: Another circus sideshow is it?

L: I like her dress, but that's all.

M: Why the need for the trapeze?

Again, talk of the on-stage sideshow obliterates the actual song, or non-song as the case may be.  She seems quite a charming performer though.  However after all the vote-rigging allegations which hang over that country's entries like a bad smell, it's increasingly difficult to make any neutral judgement of an Azerbaijan entry these days.  Compared to recent years though, this one's a lot more low-key - I wonder if they're deliberately trying not to get such a good result this year?

UKRAINE: "Tick-Tock" - Mariya Yaremchuk.

Gimmick-watch: we now have a guy running inside a giant hamster wheel. 

L: We're now into the silly props part of the festivities.  Bloody hamster wheel.

M: That's just so stupid, the way it distracts you from the song.

L: But it's Ukraine, and they'll get votes. 

She is stunning, as is her midnight blue dress.  By the end of the song though, it's the backing singers who are doing all the work.

 

BELGIUM: "Mother" - Axel Hirsoux.

The moral of the postcard is: don't send Axel to the launderette without a clear understanding of wash cycles.

L: The sentiment of the song is very nice, but....

M: He's got a good voice, but the song doesn't do him justice.  Is that woman (dancing behind Axel) going to strangle him? 

L: He does have a very good voice, but the whole package is just a bit too creepy for words. 

MOLDOVA: "Wild Soul" - Cristina Scarlat.

This one has temporarily stalled my love affair with Moldova at Eurovision. 

M: SHOUTY VOICE!! We hear you!

L: She does have a strong voice but the song is wrong and I wouldn't like this to rob a more deserving song of a place in the final just because it's Moldova. 

She rips out her hair.  As we are probably also doing by the end of this song.

SAN MARINO: "Maybe" - Valentina Monetta.

San Marino at Eurovision's like a comfy pair of slippers: another year and Valentina again.  This time she's the pearl in the shell, and I have just one question:

L: Why the hell's she singing this in English when they have the most musical of musical languages, Italian, at their disposal?

M: This isn't too bad but it's very dated. 30 years out of date.

L: "Maybe" even more than that....but there's a talky bit, a wind machine finale for the schlager fraternity and in a nice nod to 'old' Eurovision, a glimpse of the backing singers.

Another break, and this time we have an interview with Conchita Wurst.  Imma get me a knitted beard.  On the live feed there's more archive clips including none other than EPIC SAX GUY!  This time the 'book of records' focuses on the "most silver" and a chance to see the winner of that category, Verka Serduchka, in the audience. 

PORTUGAL: "Quero Ser Tua" - Suzy

In her postcard, Suzy uses body paint to recreate the Portuguese flag.

WAWAWEWAWE.  And wow, what a dress!  This is completely unashamed Eurovision in old money.  It's an energetic party song which should have stirred everyone out of the relative tedium of the last few entries. But is it too 'old' Eurovision? 

NETHERLANDS: "Calm After The Storm" - The Common Linnets

Ilse de Lange and Waylon, aka the Common Linnets, manage to turn the 'quietest' song of the contest (in its audio version anyway) into something very effective thanks to the inventive camera work with the white lines on the road, and the camera circling around both artists. 

L: It's what I believe they call 'new country'?  I'm still not feeling the chemistry between them, but this is working out better than I thought it would. 

M: I think this could qualify.  It's not any worse than the rest of them and it is very different.

The song may be a little too low-key and lacks the big finale, but with all these gimmicks tonight - trapeze artists, hamster wheels, silly dancing - then we've already had the storm, so it is easier to appreciate the calm. 

MONTENEGRO: "Moj Svijet" - Sergej Cetkovic.

So apparently Sergej thinks Molly will win.  I wouldn't call that a certainty, but one thing I am sure about is that this will hoover up all the Balkan ballad votes from countries who would normally throw their votes Serbia's way. 

We're back on gimmick-watch: there's a figure skater on stage. I'm really annoyed about the presentation of this song, as it does not need all the stupid gimmicks - Sergej is a reliable singer with a very good voice, and he gives an effortless performance of this song.

M: He has a good voice.

L: Bloody skater.  He doesn't need a bloody skater, the song doesn't need a bloody skater.  (you can tell I'm really annoyed by the skater at this point).

Backing singers join him for the finale, which has the most sudden ending of a song in ESC history.  Put that in your Eurovision book of records!

HUNGARY: "Running" - Andras Kallay-Saunders.

Andras makes his flag with Rubik cubes (a nice Hungarian touch).

The evening started and ended with two of the big pre-contest favourites.  "Running" is a very good, contemporary song which you could play to a non-fan and they'd never guess it was a Eurovision song.  However....the staging of the song makes me feel uncomfortable.  I know it reflects the subject matter, but I could really have done without the interpretative domestic violence dance going on in the background.  

L: And he's off...

M: It's alright, but nothing special.

There's a bit of a vocal wobble towards the end but I can't see it doing his chances any harm.  

So, after all the songs were performed, here were my 10 predicted qualifiers for the final:

Armenia

Latvia

Sweden

Hungary

Russia

Azerbaijan

Ukraine

Iceland

Netherlands

Montenegro

It's another uninspiring dance number for the first interval act.  Sorry DR, but I'm underwhelmed by this. 

There will soon be results, but first - let Lise and Jon Ola take a selfie...!

After Lise and Jon Ola's selfie - yes, nowhere is safe from the current craze, not even Eurovision hosts and head honchos - it's squeaky bum time as we're on the edge of our seats awaiting the announcement of the finalists...

Montenegro
Hungary
Russia (booing from the audience)
Armenia
Azerbaijan
San Marino - aww Valentina! At last!  I didn't have this as a finalist but 'maybe' everyone finally thought that after all those attempts she deserved a place in the final.
Ukraine
Sweden
Netherlands
and....
Iceland!!

So I got 9 out of 10 correct, but sadly there was no place in the Grand Final for Latvia's Aarzemnieki, evicted from the Great Eurovision Bake-Off.  Apart from San Marino, the finalists are a mix of the satisfactory (Iceland, Hungary, Montenegro, Armenia, Netherlands) and the unsurprising (everyone else) and I think we're going to get a very good and diverse final this year: hoping that the right songs make it out of semi-final 2 of course!!

Allsång på Skansen: the 2014 line-up is revealed!

Only two weeks to go, and then it all starts again for another year.  I refer of course to that most traditional of Swedish summer TV treats, "Allsång på Skansen" which had its equally traditional 'big reveal' of this year's line-up.  As usual, it's a mix of something for everyone, from the well-known established stars of years ago, to this year's up-and-coming stars with teen appeal. So who can we look forward to seeing on Tuesday nights on SVT this summer?

Week 1: Tuesday 24th June: Ace Wilder, Niklas Strömstedt and Eric Bazilian, Malena Ernman and Loa Falkman, James Blunt. 
I'll be "busy doing something" two weeks from tonight to check out Melodifestivalen runner-up Ace Wilder.  But James Blunt?  One question - why??

Week 2: Tuesday 1st July:  Nina Persson, Sanna Nielsen, Gunhild Carling, Seinabo Sey, Jany Schella.
I might just draw faithful travelling companion's attention to this one, as he's recently become a fan of a certain Ms Nielsen and it doesn't look as if he's going to "undo" that appreciation any time soon :)

Week 3: Tuesday 8th July: Elisa's, The Fooo, Björn Skifs, Linda Pira, Jon Henrik Fjällgren.
Earplugs at the ready as there will be a massive screaming outbreak for the Fooo, Sweden's answer to One Direction, but I'm tuning in for Mr Skifs. 

Week 4: Tuesday 15th July: Laleh, Jill Johnson and Doug Seegers, Annika Herlitz, The Real Group, Ison and Fille.
Not really too bothered about this one, I do like a couple of Laleh songs ("Some Die Young" and "Colors") but wouldn't really call myself a fan. 

Week 5: Tuesday 22nd July: Electric Banana Band, Darin, Titiyo, Vera Nord.
Week 5....it's all about Darin!

Week 6: Tuesday 29th July: Weeping Willows, Ola Salo, Alcazar, Panetoz, Stefan Nilsson, Anna Stadling and Lidingö Motettkör
Very strong line-up in week 6 - a certain Mr Salo and a disco-tastic trio.

Week 7: Tuesday 5th August: Takida, Orup, Linnea Henriksson, Timbuktu, John de Sohn
For me this is potentially one of the best weeks.  Looking forward to Orup, Linnea and Takida. 

Week 8: Tuesday 12th August:  Jenny Wilson, Icona Pop, John Martin, Lise and Gertrud.
John Martin will be the highlight for me in week 8.

Of course there will be more acts announced, but where's Conchita Wurst?  I thought they might have included this year's ESC winner in the line-up - or even Basim, who's had the big airplay hit in Sweden this year.  I just wonder if they're keeping us guessing before adding one, or both, to the line-up?

The other burning question is - how will Petra Marklund do as the new host of the show?  Well, firstly I would just like to say that I hope she is judged not for her gender (she is the first female host in the show's history) but on her own merits as a singer, presenter and entertainer: the three essential qualities for an Allsång host.  I also hope that she is given time to adjust to her new role in what is one of Swedish TV's toughest jobs, as the unforgiving critics in the Swedish media are always ready for target practice every Allsång season.  Get it wrong, and the tabloids will hound you, week after week....get it right, and, well, they may just praise you (if you're lucky!)  I hope that Petra does well and I wish her lots of success with the 2014 season of Allsång.

The Square-Eyed Couch Potato: April-May 2014

In between the lead-up to Eurovision and my holiday in Copenhagen, and caring for my mum during her recent illness, I did actually manage to watch some telly, believe it or not.

I don't usually watch "ESCAPE TO THE CONTINENT" (BBC2) - when you've seen one British-couple-buying-house-abroad-show you've seen them all, but faithful travelling companion alerted me to an episode set in Paphos, so I made an exception.  (Of course our holiday to Paphos in March had to be cancelled, so watching this I guess was all a bit 'here's what you could have won').

It's hard to believe there was once a time when the nation's media got itself worked up about breakfast TV, but I remember it well.  "THE BATTLE FOR BRITAIN'S BREAKFAST" (BBC2) went back in time to 1983 when TV-am's "Famous Five" battled the likes of Frank Bough for ratings and jumper-wearing supremacy.  Inevitably it wasn't long before the serious news agenda was dumped in favour of Roland Rat etc.  31 years and three houses ago, I couldn't have cared less and never watched either of them.  My only breakfast TV experiences were Chris Evans' glory years on "The Big Breakfast" and later on I was probably the only person in Britain admitting to watching the early days of the ill-fated "RI:SE" on Channel 4.  That probably had everything to do with my 2002 crush on Mark Durden-Smith. 

A long-lost old favourite returned to our screens: "FIFTEEN TO ONE" (Channel 4) with a new host, Sandi Toksvig.  I forgot just how brain-challenging this quiz is, which I guess is a refreshing change from the increasingly dumbed-down range of quizzes/game shows on our screens, most of which I avoid due to their reliance on so-called 'celebrities'.  At least this is one of those rare shows which still features members of the public rather than the dreaded 'celebrities'.

"THE CHASE" (ITV) went on a little break and in its place came the return of "THE PAUL O'GRADY SHOW".  There is no doubt that Mr O'Grady is a TV rarity these days: he seems to have genuine empathy with the viewing public, however he also has another role to fill, that of chat show host.  Unfortunately the chat show is only a plugging vehicle so he inevitably has to take a back seat to the guests who are never just there for a chat/pure entertainment value, but instead conveniently have the ulterior motive of something to plug. 

I wasn't so keen on a new game show on Challenge, "TIMELINE" where the basic idea is to place a number of events in order of when they occurred.  To paraphrase Brucie, "that's all there is to it".  But not enough to keep me watching beyond one episode.

Whilst we're on the subject of Sir Bruce of Forsyth, he's finally taken the hint and quit hosting the "Strictly Come Dancing" live shows, returning only for Christmas and charity specials.  So for a mercifully brief period, we had the speculation about who will replace him.  No surprise really that his occasional stand-in Claudia Winkleman got the gig, although I'm in what appears to be a minority of people who can't understand her appeal; oh, and I can only imagine Anton du Beke sticking pins into a Winkleman voodoo doll at this point :)

Haven't watched many films for a while so for a change I checked out "STAND UP GUYS" (Sky Movies).  With Al Pacino and Christopher Walken in the two lead roles, then that was a guarantee of quality.  It was mainly a two-hander, with these two actors on screen for most of the film, so that needs good actors to carry this format.  However, I can't understand why the film was billed as a 'comedy'; it did have its funny (and occasionally gross-out) moments but was actually more poignant in places.  It wasn't great, but it was ok.

I had a lot going on around Easter weekend so didn't get the chance to watch the UK TV premiere of "THE STONE ROSES - MADE OF STONE" (Channel 4) until very recently.  This was a very personal film by Shane Meadows, esteemed British TV and film director, who is obviously a massive fan of the band.  He managed to get up close and personal with the band members in a way that many other interviewers failed to do - the Roses were notoriously difficult to interview back in the day - but not quite enough to smash the band's mystique, which remains intact.  Aside from the recent rehearsal clips and the Heaton Park footage, the film also focused on the fans whose love for the band has never died.  It may not be the definitive film about the Stone Roses' history past and present - but it will do till that comes along. 

If someone made a law that you should only make one film and never make any sequels, then one particular film should be Exhibit A.  I love, love, love "The Hangover" but they should really have left it there.  The second movie in the franchise was best forgotten and so it was inevitable that I should check out "THE HANGOVER PART III" (Sky Movies) to see if it had any redeeming features.  Well, what I will say is that it wasn't quite as bad as the second movie, but still a long way from the greatness of the first in the series - and your views on this movie will depend on whether you find Mr Chow either (a) side-splittingly funny or (b) intensely irritating.  In the first movie he was (a) but for much of this one he was (b).  It was a lazy and tiresome plot, and I should have had my suspicions when they decapitated a giraffe for laughs. 

"BUSINESS BOOMERS" (BBC2) has done what it says on the tin and examined some successful companies over recent years.  Quite an interesting series too.  I watched the shows about the rise of coffee shops in the UK and also the dominance of Amazon over recent years.

Time for a flashback now.  I wanted to mention something which we watched earlier in the year, which I forgot to mention in a previous edition of Square-Eyed.  "THE STREET" (BBC1 Scotland) was a fly-on-the-wall short documentary series about selected people and businesses in and around Glasgow's famous Sauchiehall Street.  And the Scottish media went ballistic.  Why?  Because this documentary dared to show famed busker 'Melo' being racially abused by drunken low-lifes; late-night drunkenness; sexist comments by a bar manager; and a sandwich shop boss's foul-mouthed tirades towards his staff.  We should all know by now that there is nothing 'real' about 'reality' TV, but at the same time it would be wrong to sweep all this type of behaviour under the carpet.  The fact is that such behaviour does go on, probably in any city in the UK, but perhaps it is harder for the media to deal with, being so close to home.  The racism outrage was a particular hot topic in the local tabloids at the time.  Perhaps that illustrates a stronger sense of fairness and decency in this part of the country, and if so, then that's something positive which can be taken forward from this series.

In just a few weeks, the Commonwealth Games will be staged in Glasgow.  But how does such a massive event impact on the lives of ordinary residents of the Dalmarnock area of Glasgow?  That's the premise behind the latest BBC Scotland documentary series: the honest and very topical "COMMONWEALTH CITY".  For such a major sporting event, a price has to be paid, and this very good series has told the other side of the story - the people evicted from their homes, and the businesses bulldozed to make way for Games venues and the Athletes' Village.  As with the London 2012 Olympics, there is much talk about 'legacy' but it would be fair to say that the long-term benefits of the Games for the 'local' residents remain questionable to say the least. 

Saturday night - check.  Subtitled drama - check.  But wait!  It's not BBC4 but BBC2 which was the go-to place for an excellent European drama recently.  "GENERATION WAR - OUR MOTHERS, OUR FATHERS" was a superb German-language mini-series.  It's also been very controversial as it looked at WWII from a purely German perspective, something which hasn't been on our screens before.  The story focused on five friends - brothers and soldiers Wilhelm and Friedhelm, singer Greta, nurse Charly, and their Jewish friend Viktor who ended up joining the Polish partisans.  I won't spoil the ending as some countries have yet to see the show; all I'll say is that some characters survived and others didn't.  This inevitably is a series which has drawn much critical comment about the role of ordinary Germans in World War II.  We can't say how much of it is true - we weren't there after all.  But regardless of your views about this series, it needs to exist to convey the horror of war and the futility of hatred on racial and religious grounds.  As the recent European elections have shown, with the rise of far-right/racist/anti-immigrant parties, history has a habit of repeating itself, and now it is our generation which is being catapulted into a time of hate.  It would appear that no lessons have been learned from the horrors of World War II.

Anyway onto something a bit more mundane now: "CORONATION STREET" (ITV) which is into yet another BIG PLOT!, this time involving the murder of perma-tanned big-earringed barmaid Tina McIntyre.  It's May of course, which has meant that they need to tie a BIG PLOT! into the rescheduled Corrie shows which in turn have to tie in with Britain's Got Talent week.  (Almost makes ya think that Simon Cowell owns ITV!).  Anyway Corrie's sensationalism knows no bounds, and despite their recent wins at the British Soap Awards for the (very sensitively handled/well acted) Hayley death storyline, I continue to despair at the rush towards sensationalist storylines, affairs and murders.  When in fact a local 'street' can be a very mundane place, where the most exciting thing to happen is actually (a) an Amazon order being delivered or (b) a fence being painted.  Life, eh!!!

A quick mention for the recently-finished second series of "OFF THEIR ROCKERS" (ITV) which is Trigger Happy TV reimagined for the 'noughties' with a neat soundtrack and older people playing pranks on the young 'uns.  We really like this programme here at EuropeCrazy HQ: it's funny, it's not mean-spirited, and there is a rare warmth about it which seems missing from a lot of modern day TV.

"THE FOLLOWING" (Sky Atlantic) was the last place you'd expect to find any warmth.  Far from it.  This series may not get anywhere near the same publicity as the likes of "Game of Thrones"/"Breaking Bad" (both of which I have never seen, so can't comment on) but I thought the second season was gripping from start to finish, and dare I say it - better than the first season, completely outstripping it in twists, turns, and of course excessive violence/body count.  Oh yes, Kevin Bacon and James Purefoy fans, there will be a season 3, although I have to really ask myself where it will all go from here. 

With holidays, caring commitments, telly backlogs and Eurovision, inevitably some TV remained and remains unwatched - hello Grey's Anatomy/Mammon/Wallander - but with the best intentions I'm hoping to catch these over the coming months. 

As I'm going to take a little blogging break after posting those long-overdue Eurovision reviews and my Copenhagen diaries (coming soon, peeps, I promise!!) Square-Eyed will be back at the end of July to review the traditional wasteland of 'summer telly'.  Beyond the World Cup and Le Tour though, the challenge is to find something worth watching, although having said that, there probably won't be enough hours in the day to watch anything new! I'll also be taking stock of the first couple of months of STV Glasgow, our 'local' TV channel which is due to begin broadcasting this coming Monday, 2nd June. 

Sommarkrysset 2014: the guest list

Summer is coming!  And how do we know that?  Because it will soon be time for SVT and TV4's summer music shows in Sweden.  Today TV4 published the list of artists who will be appearing in this year's series of Sommarkrysset, the Saturday night entertainment show.  Unfortunately in recent years TV4 has not allowed viewers outside Sweden to watch the show on their website :( however if you are lucky enough to pick up the show there will be the usual mix of old and new stars, and no surprise to see a few Melodifestivalen 2014 artists in there.

21 June: Oscar Zia, Lisa Stansfield, Doug Seegers
28 June: Anders Wendin, Stefan Sundström.
5 July: Charlotte Perrelli, Ebbot Lundberg, Vance Joy.
12 July: Yohio, Brolle and Andreas Johnson, Foxes.
19 July: Helena Paparizou, Linus Svenning, Kim Cesarion.
26 July: Martin Stenmarck, Nisse Hellberg.
2 Aug: Anton Ewald and Medina, Elisa Lindström.
9 Aug: Panetoz,
16 aug: Alcazar, Electric Banana Band.
23 aug: Ace Wilder, NONONO, John Martin

Got PED yet??

Well folks, so much for all the good intentions.  I'd hoped to write up and publish my Semi-Final and Grand Final reviews before this week was out, but it was not to be.  Between my pre-holiday preparations and other commitments at home this week I haven't had a spare minute, so I've had to put this on hold until nearer the end of this month after I'm home from my holiday.

PED - Post-Eurovision Depression - is a relatively new condition which has arisen over recent years in our fan bubble.  We spend months watching national finals, speculating, predicting, soaking up every snippet of information, listening to every podcast, reading every blog post and message board, watching every rehearsal clip and then the semi-finals and final.  We live with those songs for months, and the contest always gives them a new dimension.  Our favourites become more special, and even the 'meh' songs go up in our estimations.

And then....nothing.  That, to the uninitiated, is PED.  We Eurovision fans all suffer from it, and it manifests itself in different ways.  Personally speaking, my PED probably won't really sink in till about early June this year, as I'm going on holiday and then will rewatch the shows and try to keep the memory of the contest alive until those aforementioned blog posts are written.  After that, my theme song will probably "u-u-u-n-do my PED".

I will always look back on 2014 as being a particularly memorable Eurovision year thanks to Twitter.  I wanted to take the opportunity to thank all of my lovely online friends from Europe and beyond, old and new, who brought the Eurovision experience alive for this stay-at-home fan.  It really was the next best thing to being there. Whether it was cakes to bake, twerpy hamsters or a non-stop Sebalter obsession, I've loved every minute of it. You are all really extra special!

Although social media has many negative aspects, when it comes to the Eurovision Song Contest there is incredible camaraderie and mutual respect.  It remains a pleasure to be part of the Eurovision Twitter community: and to borrow last year's tagline - "we are one".

During the working day, I keep my online life - and Eurovision obsession - under wraps.  Not because I'm embarrassed or ashamed, but for the more realistic reason that people are just not interested. However, today I ended up in a conversation with two of my (much younger) colleagues in the section who happened to mention 'the guy in the dress' who won Eurovision.  I was prepared for cynicism and scoffing, but I was surprised by their subsequent, positive comments about Conchita, and how fabulous she looked!  I then jumped in and told them all about being a Eurovision addict, and I gave them a little backstory about Conchita.  They did not laugh, or ridicule, and I felt inspired.  They are not Eurovision fans, but their acceptance impressed me.

Which brings me on to the changing attitudes towards Eurovision.  Many of the 'older' generation of fortysomethings/fiftysomethings and beyond, who grew up with the boom bang a bangs and the diggi-loo-diggi-leys, have a predetermined prejudiced view of the Eurovision Song Contest, which if you're British, is amplified by the British media's often negative and cynical view of the contest.  Sadly this has not changed: over the past week I have still read several media articles online which could have been written 20 years ago. For them, ESC is an embarrassing camp-fest of dire songs won by a freak-show drag act; but that's more of a reflection on the poor quality of their journalism rather than on the quality of the contest which continues to go from strength to strength.

Although I am part of that 'older' generation, it has been a joy for me to move on from the schlager, the key changes and the silly outfits into the modern era of technical excellence and musical modernity. For me, both 'phases' of Eurovision can happily live side by side.  Admittedly there are aspects of the old contests which I miss, such as the native languages, the orchestra and the distinctive stage sets.  I have the fondest memories of contests from all the decades from the 70s onwards until the present day, however I'm delighted by the contest's constant evolution and relevance.  Next year will bring the 60th contest - there's absolutely no reason why it can't go on, and on, and on, for many years to come.

The younger generation of Eurovision fans have brought a refreshing lack of prejudice with them and enjoy the contest for what it is: whether it's an inclusive beacon of tolerance at a time of increasing xenophobia and intolerance across our beloved continent; or just a showcase for new European music and a chance to discover new artists who would otherwise have been overlooked; or simply for the fact that the Eurovision Song Contest remains the continent's biggest and best entertainment show.

IF THEY BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME....

I can't speak for other countries, but here in the UK, music television shows have all but disappeared.  Top of the Pops is long gone, there is only 'Later With Jools Holland' and the numerous music channels pumping out the same 10 songs every hour. Later in the year, songs by artists performing on "X Factor" inevitably soar up the charts.  Apart from this, there is nothing.  These days, so 'they' say, you have to get your music elsewhere - on the radio or YouTube or Spotify, for example.

Yet the success of Eurovision songs in the iTunes singles chart this year, right after the contest, suggests that there is a huge, untapped market for commercial pop music on television; a market which has not been served for a long long time.  The success of Eurovision songs in the UK iTunes chart could arguably be the revenge of the disenfranchised: the UK singles chart does not speak for 'us' anymore, but put good songs on television and they will be rewarded with a chart position.

On Sunday 11th May, I tweeted ESC chart positions:

UK iTunes singles chart: Common Linnets no.6, Molly no.14, Conchita no.20, Basim no.27, Sanna no.29, Pollapönk no.41, Firelight no.45.

At one point The Common Linnets' "Calm After The Storm" - which between the semi-final and grand final became the biggest chart hit of this year's contest Europe-wide - had climbed to no. 4 in the UK iTunes singles chart.  Several of this year's songs were also sitting in the chart between no.50 and no.100.  This maybe doesn't sound like much, but in a country known for Euro(vision) scepticism, this was incredibly significant.

There was one further positive aspect worth mentioning this year: the introduction of BBC Radio 2 Eurovision, a 'pop-up' radio station broadcasting from 8th to 11th May on digital radio and the internet.  I thought this was a rather inspiring innovation from a broadcaster whose interpretation of the contest has always seemed rooted in the past, however there were some very good quality documentaries and other programmes broadcast over the weekend.  I hope they repeat this experiment next year in Vienna.  Well done BBC!  During one of the documentaries I listened to, they referred to the BBC's long-term Eurovision strategy which began with Molly, and you never know, one day it may end in a Eurovision winner for the UK.  So you can forget those 'UK to withdraw' rumours!

So to sum up, the past 2 weeks have been 'all Eurovision all the time'.  And I loved it!  

In a few days I will be heading off to Copenhagen with faithful travelling companion for a city break.  In Eurovision city I'm hoping to soak up some of the magic that all my lovely Eurovision friends have left behind. So this will be my last blog post for a while....I'll be back in a couple of weeks with those Eurovision posts and "The Copenhagen Diaries"...see you all soon :))